I'm Hungry!

Before I started this new journey I would eat a ton of food at every opportunity. When my daughter was out of school for the summer, sometimes I would stop at the croissant place on my way to work. I'd get 2 croissants, one for breakfast (usually blueberry) and one for lunch (usually ham and cheese). Inevitably, every time, I would end up eating both for breakfast and then head to Panda Express for the 3 item combo or to Taco Bell and get 3 items there or maybe to Subway, where I always got the 12 inch sub. Then when dinner rolled around (after I'd downed a bottle of wine) I'd eat until I was so full it was painful. This was a vicious cycle and I'd been doing it for years. It's no wonder I've gained over 100 pounds in the last 4 years! I often wonder just what it is that was making me eat so freakin' much food!

I'm hungry are two words that haven't really applied in my life for some time. Lately, I've been hungry a few times a day and it's WONDERFUL! I'm eating a reduced number of calories, but I'm eating those calories spread out in 5-6 "meals" each day. I've started to love things like yogurt and fruit. I rarely even think about fried food anymore. I get excited when I remember that I have a salad in the fridge to have for my afternoon snack. What a strange and healthy new way of thinking.

Giving up the wine has been more difficult than giving up the food. I'm still pretty proud of my effort however.

I LOVE rain. I love to sit on the couch with a cup of coffee, a fire in the fireplace, a quilt covering me, my dog snuggled up asleep and a good movie. I leave the windows open and I listen to the glorious sound that rain makes and breathe in the fresh scent. Fall and Winter are definitely my favorite times of year. Last Sunday was a rainy day and it wasn't a good thing.

About 3 years ago we had a small leak in the laundry room ceiling from the roof. I climbed up on the roof with some caulking and sealed the leak. The next year the leak was back, but now not just in the original place, but new places. This leak required several buckets. We tried to seal the leaks, with little success. Last year the leaks became even bigger. My husband had gone up on the roof to install a sun shield on his office window and stepped right through the rotted wood. The rotting just got worse as the rainy season continued and we just used more buckets. But the ceiling was cracking more and more with every storm.

Last Saturday it started raining and the ceiling was REALLY heavy with water. I did everything I could to cover that part of the roof. I went to bed feeling pretty good about my accomplishment. Sunday morning I woke up and went to check my handy work.....The floor in the laundry room was soaked and the water was literally pouring in. We were emptying a 5 gallon bucket every hour. I headed to Home Depot and Ace Hardware and I bought plastic sheeting and a staple gun and I did the best I could to cover the problem. I stood on the roof in the pouring rain. After many hours of cleaning up the mess and standing on the roof, I changed into some dry clothes, snuggled up with a blanket, fire in the fireplace, and tried to relax. And then I heard it....THUNK. Nikki said "What was that?" I just closed my eyes and said "I think it was the ceiling falling in." and sure enough, the ceiling gave way and now water was pouring in from so many spots I had to rush out and buy more buckets. I sat alone on my couch just crying. I felt so alone. There really wasn't anything more I could do. But the rain tapered off in the evening, so at least there wasn't any more water pouring into the house.

That night, I just wanted wine. I hadn't had any in a few days. I had held off buying some earlier when I went out to get buckets and plastic. But at the end of that monster of a day, I just wanted to have some wine. So I drank wine that night. I haven't had any since, but I'm not ashamed of myself and I'm not going to dwell on it. I did what I needed to do to make it through that day. I didn't over eat that day. I didn't go get a huge pizza and polish it off, and that was an accomplishment.

Monday morning one of the engineers at work asked how my weekend was and I said "Great, my ceiling fell and I have a huge hole in my roof." I explained the problem to him, the shape of my roof, etc. Long story short, he said "I can fix that. I can do a fix that will get you through this year at least." He had me take pictures and he and another engineer set about coming up with a plan to fix my problem. Yesterday the two of them spent about 4 hours buying supplies and assembling the boards, flashing and caulking on my roof and it only cost me about $60 in materials. I feel so blessed. I can't even think of a way to thank those guys. I was feeling so alone and unable to provide for myself and my daughter and out of nowhere came two guys who showed me that I'm not alone. And they didn't ask for anything in return, they just wanted to help me.

And now that my roof is somewhat whole again, it's time to get back to the business of helping myself. I've been doing a great job with my food choices and I'm not drinking. I've had more energy and I'm starting to take care of some much needed chores around the house. But I haven't been exercising like I need to and you know what....That's OK. I have made some awesome changes in last month. I'm on the road to getting healthy and I'm happier than I have been in years!!

I'm FURIOUSLY HAPPY! But that story is for another post.

So Much to Blog...So Little Time

I keep meaning to update my blog. It seems like things are happening that I get really excited about and if I don't blog about them right then, I lose steam...both with the excitement and the need to blog about the excitement.

Let's start with what I'm doing to get healthy and happy. I've started eating healthier. I do occasionally fall off the wagon but I haven't gone out for lunch (a BIG problem for me) in almost a month. I stock my office at work with healthy, balanced, low calorie, yummy food and I stick with that. On October 3rd I walked in my first ever 5K walk. It was a run/walk but I'm in no shape to run so I walked it. I walked with my Mom and I finished the race. We came in dead last by a long shot but I finished and the journey left me feeling so great!! The following weekend I walked my second 5K with my Mom and I beat my time from the previous week by 10 minutes. Still dead last, but still an awesome journey! I started walking around the block with Nikki right after the first 5K. I was doing well, for a few days, but I seem to have lost the motivation along the way. I have a long way to go. I need to lose about 100 pounds. But it can be done! My friend Alyshia lost even more weight that that through diet and exercise and now she's a personal trainer! And she's REALLY inspiring so I highly recommend you check out her blog if you're on a journey to do something that's really difficult.

This morning on my way to work I told Nikki that I need to exercise tonight. That I WILL run! I'm done with being happy with a walk around the block once every other day. It's a 1/2 mile, it's hardly the most effective exercise regimen. So, tonight I run. I will run until I don't think I can run anymore and then I'll run 20 more steps. There will be no shame or self doubt when I hit the wall...I will just walk it off and run again when I catch my breath. I CAN DO THIS! I WILL DO THIS! Also, wine is not my friend! I gave up hard alcohol in August (people who know me know this was a big deal) but I started drinking wine. Wine has soooooo many calories and the carbohydrates are ridiculous! Wine is not my friend. I need to drink more water....and probably a lot of decaf coffee when the weather cools. I know even decaf coffee has some caffeine and it's no substitute for water, but I really love it!

Nikki is doing really well. She has been running every day. She also ran the previously mentioned 5K's with my friend Kathy, who is another truly inspirational person that I feel lucky to have in my life! Nikki is vegan, so her diet is already pretty healthy. She also just started conditioning for softball 2 days a week. The season doesn't start til February, but they're getting an early start on training this year. School is going well for her, as usual. I really love that girl! Being her Mom is truly the most awesome gift I have ever received!

So, taht's what's new. I'm doing what I can to get to a healthier me! I've lost 2 pounds....only 98 to go. But stay tuned! Cause it's gonna be a long and wild ride!