My daughter and I had a wonderful Mother's Day together. We went out for lunch at Macaroni Grill and ate way too much. It was so tasty! We ate so much we didn't even want dinner. It's nice to do that occasionally. After lunch we stopped by the grocery store for a few necessary items and Nicole says to me, casually "Can we buy a pregnancy test for M?" This is someone that she has know for a few years at school, not a girl I would call her "friend" but they talk occasionally. I remained very calm. I casually said back "Is she afraid to talk to her Mom?" My daughter responded "Yes. She said if she IS pregnant she isn't going to tell her Mom until she's so big she can't hide it anymore." I'm still calm "I will buy her the test. But if she is pregnant she is going to need to see a doctor. She can't wait until she is noticeably pregnant to talk to her parents. Will you tell her that I will buy her the test if she promises that if she's pregnant she will come over to our house and discuss it?" That was the deal. So, off to school my daughter went today with a pregnancy test in her back pack. And I remained calm.
I sure hope that M isn't pregnant. I hope that she will start using protection if she continues to have sex. I hope that my daughter will remain abstinent until marriage as she has vowed to do. I hope that if she doesn't remain abstinent that she will be able to talk to me and we can deal with it together. I hope she doesn't have to text a friend and ask that friend's Mom to buy a test. Mostly, I hope that my daughter continues to trust me and know that whatever she needs to tell me, I will remain calm.
Nicole is my only child. I'm not experienced with how to parent a teenage girl. I'm not sure what the right thing to do here was. Should I have called M's Mom and told her right away, even though I've never met her? Should I have told Nicole to tell her friend that I won't buy the test? Should I call the school and tell a counselor? I don't know that there is even a "right" answer here. I made the best decision I could, based on the circumstances. My husband is a middle school counselor and he deals with this kind of thing on a regular basis. I went to him for advice and we made a decision that seemed like it was the best thing to do.
Throughout all this, I remained calm. Is that even normal?
Wow-- I am not sure what I would do in that situation. So glad your daughter came to you, but if it was my daughter I would be concerned with who she is hanging out with. One of my daughter's friends has had a couple of boyfriends and tried to encourage my daiughter to go out with a boy-- I was thankful that ym daughter came and told me. Please update us.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, Christine. You may possibly be the only one who reads my blog. : ) So I appreciate that you comment. My daughter has never really been friends with the girl. They went to middle school together and the pregnant girl (she is in fact pregnant)is friends with another girl who used to be friends with Nicole. I think they just felt like it would be safe to ask Nicole for the test because she was so far removed from the situation.
ReplyDeleteI think by responding the way you did you have encouraged your daughter further to feel comfortable in talking to you openly. That, by itself, is a true blessing. Open and honest communication is so much better than worrying and hiding! God bless you for helping and caring for this other young girl.
ReplyDeleteI think you handled the situation the right way. I would not call the parents. You want your daughter to know that she can trust you in any situation possible. As a teenge Mom I know how scary this situation can be. And to be honest I think that if I had more respect for my parents and given the attention that I craved from them I would not have gotten pregnant when I did.
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